I put down the very good book I was reading, as I heard a soft keening. I frowned in concern. At first I wasn’t sure I’d even heard the sound. So faint and far away it seemed. But as I went back to my book, it came a bit louder for the second time. My legs draped over the bed and I slid bare feet into fluffy green turtle slippers.
I opened the door of my room and peeked down the corridor. No one moved about. No nurses or Doctors this time of night. The weeping came again. I closed my door with a soft click and shuffled in short steps towards the noise. Two rooms down from me, I heard it clearly. Without knocking, I quickly stepped through the entrance and once again the door closed with barely a sound.
She sat on her bed. Face buried in her hands. She was so tiny. My heart pinched with pity at the sight of her.
“Hello?” I whispered in a loud enough voice so she could hear. Her little face moved towards my voice. Soon I was staring into deep violet eyes, wide with wonderment. Full of sadness.
“Please,” She begged, “I want to go home.” This was followed by more sniffling. I was at her side immediately. As I sat beside her, I grasped her small hand lightly and did my best to give an encouraging smile.
“Maybe soon.” I said. “We are all in here to get better you see. Even me.” She gave me a watery grin and blinked.
“How do you live here? Its dreadfully dreary.” I laughed soft and shrugged. “I have no choice. I was very sick for a long while. What’s your name?”
Confusion filled those huge eyes of hers. “I-I don’t know. I do not remember much of anything.”
Instead of quizzing her about things that may upset her once more, I cleared my throat and spoke steadily, “I’m Emma May Thompson. Mostly I’m Emma. Dr. Watts calls me Emma May when I irritate her.” A series of giggles erupted from her and I felt quite pleased I was cheering her so. “Maybe we could give you a name?” She nodded happily and thought a moment. “Alice, like Alice in Wonderland. I feel at times I am too big and then too small. I see rabbits running back and forth, mad mad hatters laughing at me all the time.” She sighed. “So I shall be Alice.
I was somewhat taken aback by Alice’s blunt omission of what she saw but well, it would not be so far fetched. Its amazing what some of us see here in the nuthouse. My very own description that I thought fit perfectly. Alice lay back on her pillow and yawned sleepily. Her violet eyes stared into mine and there were no words needed. I stayed with her until she fell asleep, then tip toed back to my own room.
Under my own covers I stared at the ceiling, my really good book forgotten. Shadows played from the trees outside the barred window. I am almost certain I saw a rabbit within the dark images moving about. I smiled at this, and fell asleep.
The next day, I dressed in my very best nightgown and had an orderly take me to Dr. Watts. She was flipping through paperwork and scribbling down notes. She always looked harried and I wondered if one day she may be joining us here as a patient.
“Goodmorning Emma. What can I do for you?” Her hand waved the orderly out. My knuckles were white from gripping the arms of the chair I was seated in. I always hated coming in here. Such a small room. Suffocating. I took a deep breath in.
“The new girl, whats her story?”
The good Dr. looked directly at me. She sighed and placed her glasses upon her desk.
“Emma May, you know you are not allowed out of your room at night. You have been given the privaelege of light security.
I shuffled impatiently in my chair. “Yes I know this. Who is the new girl?” I insisted. Boredom was tickling my bones and threatened to have me snap in irritance. I had to sit and behave or else Dr. Watts here would call the orderly to give me some medicated silence.
“What have you named this one then Emma?” She asked wearily. It really was a losing battle with me. I might be insane but I was persistent. Usually I’d take the new patients under my wing, mothering them and I’d come to the Dr. insisting on any information I could get, to help them.
“It was her idea. She asked to be called Alice. You know, like in Wonderland.” Dr. Watts rubbed her temples briefly. “I do not want you upsetting her Emma. So what I am going to tell you, must remain our secret. An officer responded. When help arrived, the windows of the police car were shattered and the policeman was sitting by his front tire rocking back and forth. He hasn’t said anything intelligible after the first description of his findings. Your ‘Alice’ sat in the backseat, just staring at nothing.
A frown wrinkled my brow and I pondered this a moment. Gnawing at my bottom lip with thoughts running millions of miles per second. ‘Nano seconds’, I corrected myself. Gaze flitted to Dr. Watts and I saw that same look I’ve seen for the many years I have been here. Expectant. Hopeful. “Alright.” I said. “I will see what I can find out.”
Her look fell. In fact, her entire body went limp. She exhaled as though the world’s suffering was upon her shoulders. I would imagine dealing with all of us could indeed, be quite trying. I then determined not to test her patience any more than I had to. I painted on a smile. Of which I am certain she saw right through. “Thank you Dr. Watts. I will be going back to my room now.”
I could see a thousand things dancing deep within her eyes. Suddenly she did not seem at all the exhausted Dr. I assumed she was. She gave me a fixed look, nodding silently. I shifted in my seat a bit unnerved. The orderly was buzzed in. I went with him, giving quick peeks back at her.
I stopped just outside of Alice’s room. Ran over and peered curiously inside. Her bed was neatly made and there was no sign of her anywhere. “Where is...” The orderly spoke before I could finish, “She is gone for some testing Emma. She’ll be back later on. Now lets continue shall we?” He gave me a quick smile. Too quick if you asked me.
That night I tried very hard to read my really good book again. I fidgeted. The words blurred upon the white pages, as though droplets of water mixed in with the ink. The smudges began to make mesmerizing shapes. Perhaps I drifted to sleep for a time. I do not remember. But I jerked back to reality the moment I heard muffled crying coming from Alice’s room.
With hurried silent foot falls, I was outside Alice’s door in minutes and I opened it swiftly. Once more she sat upon her bed. Though her head was down and her hair all about her. “Alice!” I whispered sharply. “Are you alright? I am here now.”
I began to move towards her when she looked up at me. I froze in mid-step. Her eye sockets were empty and sweet mouth was sewn shut. Thick blood oozed through the seams of her mouth; running haphazardly down from where her eyes had been scooped out. In horror, I braced myself to scream. Instead, I heard a shriek from somewhere else.
Liquid colors swirled dizzily before my sight. I blinked, suddenly back in my own room. My books’ pages were open. I was screaming and red splattered upon the words I loved to read. My nose bled freely. The door swung open and I was surrounded by the night staff. Each speaking in gentle tones, trying very hard to calm me.
End of Part 1
To be continued.....
Part 2
The sharp prick of a needle biting into my skin was somehow comforting. My throat felt raw. I don’t think my eyes blinked for a long while. I didn’t want to fall back asleep. If indeed I had been asleep in the first place. But soon, the warm dizzy feeling of slumber began wrapping itself about me. I remember a small whimper and then finally soothing darkness filling my rather confused head.
The sun shone the next day just as though nothing had happened during the night. I sat in Dr. Watt’s office. Playing my tongue against the roof of my mouth. It felt like cotton. Watt’s eyebrow raised ever so slightly. “You alright Emma?”
I frowned. Today I did not want to be here nor did I want to waste moments sitting playing games. I knew I’d never get the answers that I actually wanted anyways. So I shrugged my shoulders and continued attempting to get normal feeling back into my tongue.
“We have to discuss what happened last night Emma.” She prodded gently.
“Bad dream.” I mumbled, irritated.
“Tell you what Emma, I’m going to prescribe you something for the ‘bad dreams’. We will talk in a couple of days. Okay? “ I looked about me absently. Ignoring her voice that at the moment had reached inside my brain and scratched at every thought I was trying to form.
She scribbled pen upon a piece of paper. Motioned the orderly to come in and handed him the notation. I stared into her eyes before I left. How I wanted to jab that pen into her jugular! I saw her swallow nervously just then. I gave her a faint cruel smile and left.
I was rushed past Alice’s room. Orderly’s hand firmly upon my elbow, leading me to my room. Once there, I flopped down onto the bed and turned my back. I heard the door close. At last I was alone. Now see, normally I never had thoughts of stabbing anyone. So I was a bit mortified with myself. Perhaps it had come with the stress of my night’s episode? I paused within this back and forth reasoning. Why was I even here? I had simply assumed insanity. That certainly seemed explanation enough. But when I really began to dissect my insanity, I came to the conclusion that I knew nothing more beyond this. Why hadn’t I realized any of this before? Maybe I’d blocked everything somewhere deep within my sub-consciousness. Dr. Watts certainly had never encouraged any exploration of it. There was never any sort of in depth session. Usually just me asking about this patient or that. Watts wondering what I thought about them and the reasons they were admitted. At least this is what I had been told. I began to find all of this, extremely disquieting.
In fact, when I pushed myself to remember anything past Alice’s arrival, there was an entirely blank, unwritten story.
I punched my pillow to make it more comfortable and to take out a bit of my frustration, I admit. Where are you Alice? And who am I? I blinked sleepily, settling into a quiet, undisturbed rest.
Faces were peering down at me as I began to stir the next morning. ‘Damn it!’ I had slept an entire 24hrs. Missing the night when I would’ve been able to sneak over to Alice. That Dr. Watts was a sneaky one! Speaking of the devil, she entered my room. Not exactly all smiles thankfully. She was such a stern woman. I think I’d have died from surprise had she beamed.
“Good morning Emma. Are we feeling rested?” I nodded.
“Excellent. I want you to take it easy for the next little while. Try to stay in your room and actually sleep at night.” My mouth opened to protest but she stopped me with her hand held up.
“Alice can wait to see you I am certain. She is doing better herself now that she has had a few nights uninterrupted sleep.” She continued on about some more very boring things. I tuned her out after the Alice part. Thank goodness the Dr. didn’t have much more to say. With another quick smile and a click of her pen she asked, “Ok?” I nodded. That seemed to satisfy her. Then the whole entourage left with a flurry of white. Silence finally.
I stretched my arms and yawned, Legs tried to follow, however they felt heavy. Like they were pushing against something. I sat up and began a thorough inspection. Nothing was on them or even near. My ankles felt a bit bony but other than that, everything was normal.
What wasn’t normal was the yellow flash before my eyes in the moments to follow. Then the clinking of chains. Hands moving in fast forward all up and down my legs. Pulling. Pushing. Greyish ankles bleeding. The white bed sheets soaked in sticky reds. Voices whispered as though being played in reverse and I could not make sense out of anything. My breath came in quick shallow pants. I nearly screamed but held it back. The world shimmered and I sat safe once more in my bed. I had to make sure I’d not peed myself and was relieved to see a dry bed. My hand balled into a fist. I shoved a knuckle into my mouth, biting down. There’d be no way in hell I’d let anyone know what had just happened! No more drugs or my mind may not function as as I needed it to. I had to see Alice!
I spent the day and late afternoon ‘pretend’ dozing. I knew when I’d be checked on. But as soon as the lights dimmed and doors were fastened tight, out of the bed I crept. Bare feet this time instead of my slippers. The floor’s coldness felt reassuring somehow. I don’t remember how I was able to get my door unlocked but soon enough my feet padded quietly, quickly, to Alice’s room. I peered in through the window. She was there! I smiled. She sensed I had come. Her head turned and she waved a very small wave, urging me to come in. And so, I did. We turned off her light. I laid beside her as she propped herself up. This way if anyone was looking, they’d only see her.
Her little hand grabbed mine tight, not letting go. “Where have you been?” I asked. “I’ve missed you. Been worried too.”
Alice didn’t move. Her breathing barely perceptible. At last she whispered, “They make you believe what is in front of you, that its real. They make you forget. Its not what it should be.”
“What do you mean?” I was slightly concerned maybe they’d done something to her, making her a bit confused. She leaned over me. Breath soft against my face. She blew gently. My eyes began to feel funny. “Let the rabbits show you the way.” Her voice was far away, a drowsy caress to my mind.
Then I was falling. Spinning in dark tunnels. Bumping against cylinder walls. I heard bone cracking sounds. I know I was bleeding. A warm metallic taste began to fill my mouth. Suddenly I hit bottom. Ground. Whatever it was going to end up being. I lay on my stomach, unable to move for a few moments. Pain screamed at me through my entire self. Slowly, I raised myself up on elbows to look around.
A handful of white rabbits grazed upon grass. Except the grass crunched dry and was an unhealthy color of brown. Their ears perked up as they saw me. Little noses twitching while they kept eating. The eyes. Bright pink. What an awful sight they were! I tried sitting up at least, and found I could do that. I held my bruised ribs. They all stopped their munching and stared unblinking into me. Yes, INTO me.
“Alice says there’s no way back. No way back. And aren’t you the lucky one for it!”
What the hell?! I jerked back, forcing myself to stand even though the pain shot through me. The voices, were so familiar. And so fucking eerie!
I saw a shape in the distance. Shadowy figure kept moving closer. The animals noticed too. They waited till it nearly covered them in grey. Heads turned to me and those whispers I’d heard in rewound voices, now moved forward. They were clear and loud. “Go ask Alice! Go ask Alice! Go ask Alice!!” With that, they began shrieking. Hands went to my ears but I could still hear them. They seemed to wash over the figure in a huge white wave. Tearing it to shreds with their tiny bunny teeth. Bits of shadowy tissue, bones and stringy things splattered everywhere. Some even on me! My chest heaved with heavy breaths. It was as though those voices were an emphatic staccatissimo for my heartbeat. Speeding up and burning my veins! I heard myself join their shrill screechings. A beastial roar erupted abruptly from my throat! I closed my eyes to savor the sound.
When I opened them, I was standing in Alice’s room. She was no where to be seen. I glanced downward to my hands. They were covered in blood. My clothes too. Bare feet made sucking sounds as I lifted them up and down. A glistening pool of red covered the entire floor. Upon my ankles, broken shackles hung precariously. The metal bent and twisted. Not too far away from the bed, lay one of the orderlies. I could only tell what it was, not who, because of the shredded white coat. Dr. Watt’s words began to run through my mind, ..“ We do not know who she is or where she is from. ‘Alice’ was found wandering through the snow covered from head to toe in blood. No coat or shoes...”
My nose started to twitch, inhaling the sweet scent of freshly butchered meat. Eyes turned a terrible bright pink. “Alice!!!” I yowled shrilly. With that, I leaped over to the already diced up orderly and sank my hungry teeth back into him.
To be continued...
End of Part 2.
Chapter 3
There were shouts that I became dimly aware of. Footsteps rushing closer. I dug deeper into the mutilated body. Wildly pulling apart bones while severing off the bits of flesh still clinging there. Rage coursed through every part of me and I didn’t stop to question where it had come from. I devoured whatever I could carve out. One would think my hunger should’ve eventually subsided but I did not eat just to satisfy my belly. I’d felt a void inside for so long. And It was through this frenzied feeding, I sought to fill the emptiness.
“Emma!” Watts shrieked at me. “Emma you have to stop!”
My head snapped around, demonic growl rolling out from bared teeth. I didn’t want to stop. I didn’t want the good Doctor even alive. I sniffed the air. Yea, she smelled good. With her heart beating rapidly, her blood heated and called out to me in its honeyed voice. I began to pace, rabid animal caged inside of me refused to calm. I watched her. Oh how I did watch her.
Her hands in front of her, gestured for me to, ‘settle down’. “Emma sweetie. Listen to me. Before this gets any worse, I want to tell you something but you have to promise to let me help you.”
Chuckling, I clicked my tongue. “Worse? Maybe worse for you Doctor. Not for me. Where’s Alice?”
She paused, slight frown of confusion. “I think you have enough to worry about without concerning yourself where Alice is.”
I bent down, swiftly decapitating the skull I’d ravaged. When I stood upright I threw it, hitting one of the guards that had come in with her. He fell instantly. Dropping like a stone.
“Don’t for one moment think I missed you accidentally Doctor. All the times I’ve spent sitting in your office, just know that you are now, in mine. We play by my rules. I want Alice brought to me!” As though blessed with the ability to speak different languages all at once, I began rambling non-stop. Even though I desperately tried to stop myself, I could not curb its foreign flow. Finally the onslaught came to an end. My eyes were wide from shock. I panted heavily in the sudden silence. Those in front of me stared in wonder, just as astonished.
“I won’t ask again!” I seethed. When I took a step forward to emphasize my point, something embedded itself into my neck. I blinked. Whatever it was, burned worse than any bee sting. It was shortly afterwards, that my legs lost all feeling. And I fell face first onto the floor. What an odd sensation, watching the ground move closer. Nothing could stop my descent. I heard a crunch, then everything became ghostly still.
Foggy sight tried clearing, while white rabbits hopped all around me. Some sniffed at me with velvet furred noses. I could even hear their faint thoughts. “You’re almost home. You’re almost home.” My mouth refused to open and ask them what they meant. She came to me then. Sitting beside me, child-like hands stroking my knotted hair. Smoothing out the tangles.
“You have to wake up soon, Emma. They want to steal you and me. Make us forget.” Alice’s tiny voice so distant. Her image began to spin away. A buzzing sound clogged my ears. My brains filled with mucus and I had the feeling of drifting, being weightless. Before she faded completely, Alice spoke again, “Emma. The rabbits say, WAKE UP!”
A grey shadow of something jumped in front of me, then began melting away like wax drippings. Milky white bunnies soaked in blood leaped through it, towards my eyes. With pulse racing I lifted closed eyelids and pushed away. My head snapped back, while spine smacked into hardness. I tried crying out but voice wouldn’t work. I kept blinking my eyes rapidly and soon outlined forms took shape.
I was flat against the wall in my room. Didn’t dare try to walk for I was certain my entire body would defy gravity, knocking me out cold once again.
The door unlocked and swung open, orderlies swarming over to me. I could just make out the syringes in their hands, but most of all I saw how frightened they were. Familiar voice reached me before it had actually entered the room. “What is she doing loose??! What the fuck do you mean broke the restraints?! Can’t ANY of you actually do your jobs?!
Watts walked in hurriedly, shouting, “Everyone get out now! You’re going to spook her and then we’ll all wind up dead like Morris!” Feet shuffled out quickly. My gaze darted from Watts to the door. I needed to get out of here! I had to find Alice!
“Oh no you don’t young lady!” The Doctor snapped, quite annoyed. “You have caused me enough trouble! Killed one of my people and made a hell of a mess in Alice’s room! Now sit!” She grabbed my arm rather roughly and steered me to the bed.
I sat.
“You’re lucky they only shot you with the tranquilizer dart instead of a real bullet! I’ve had to find a way to explain what happened to Morris. Certain people are NOT impressed and I’m on the hot seat Emma! Especially since I gave you such light security. You can kiss that good-bye and every other privilege you once had!” She continued on with her lecture.
Which gave me enough time to collect myself. Get my barrings and figure out what was going on with me. Everyone had always been so evasive when it came to Alice. Then her frequent absences. I didn’t question why there were bunnies always running around inside my head. Especially considering where I resided. Their meaning, if there was any, would come in time. One of the most important things at hand of course, was why Id torn Morris apart. Odd to think the pieces of shredded meat I’d devoured heartily were formerly an actual person.
I mentally shook myself. Enough thinking about that part. Why had I turned into such a beast? So foreign to me, yet aspects of the whole thing were extraordinarily familiar. I’d felt free. Acting the way I should. Like I was the only one right , while everything else around me remained wrong.
A loud thump brought me back rather quickly to attention. Dr. Watt’s hand pounded on the nightstand top. Her eyes were bright with barely hidden anger. She pursed her lips while barely containing her composure. “You have heard nothing I’ve said have you?” Voice cold; even. There wasn’t much for me to say, so I remained silent.
“Give me your arm Emma.” I clenched my jaw. No way would I let anyone inject me with their medications! I wanted answers, not drug induced dreams! Watt’s reached to grab me again but this time I was faster. I’d had time to recover.
I snatched her by the throat, crushing her against the wall. My face pressing in close to hers, low growls once more rumbling out. Panic wrote itself clearly upon Watts. She’d always assumed she had the upper hand in every situation. For the most part, she did. But I vowed from this moment on, that would never be the case again.
“First of all, let’s get some things straight Doctor. You owe me a whole lot of answers. I won’t hesitate to slaughter you like I did Morris. Except with you? I’ll take my time. I’ve been locked away, medicated, strapped down,” I shook my wrists for emphasis, which had the remnants of leathered belts dangling down. “ And now I even roar like a wild animal! I don’t know who I am or where I came from. My mind is fairly clear most of the time, so I find it odd Id not remember. Then there is that little forgotten detail of what you were going to tell me the moment before I got shot. ”
Instantly the room flooded with personnel, mixed voices shouting this or that. My focus didn’t waver however and I squeezed Watt’s throat tighter. “I will kill you, so tell them to back off.” Grip loosened just enough. She choked in great gulps of air and waved her hands in urgent motions to the staff.
“I’m okay! Go! Now!” She rasped. When they hesitated, I looked their way. A lion’s snarl resounded from the depths of my belly. Never had I witnessed such a retreat. They nearly fell over themselves in an attempt to run out of the doorway. I almost laughed. Almost.
Once we had the room to ourselves, I continued to hold her neck. There was no way I’d trust the Doctor at this moment. Not until she told me something of value. So many appointments with her, yet there were never any relevant discussions. And the fact remained, I only recalled but a few of those meetings.
We remained locked in a stubborn stand off for a few minutes. It mattered not to me who told me what I desired. I could just as easily hold someone else hostage. Probably learn just as much from them, than what Watt’s was willing to spill. Finally, I felt her determined tension ease as she sighed wearily. She opened her mouth to speak.
But my arms felt funny. They began to change color, mottled grey splotches surfacing. I blinked, certain my vision suffered from the previous ordeal. Wrists showed large coin sized welts and the leather straps cuffing them, shifted. Heavy chain links now bound me. Somewhat bent and twisted half off mind you. I dropped the grip on Watts. Then clasped my one wrist with a hand that had begun to grow gnarled fingers out of normal ones.
“What the fuck?! What’s going on?!” I stumbled back, desperately trying to rub away the sight of my new forming limbs. As ugly sharp talons curved over my fingertips, I banged into what little furniture the room had, knocking over the bedside lamp. It fell, shattering into tiny shards that spilled over onto a good portion of the floor.
Coughing, Watts spoke in a croaky voice, “Sit down Emma. You need to remain calm. I can and will explain. But you have to trust me.”
Trust. I shook my head dazedly, though more to myself than at Watts. This had to be a nightmare but I couldn’t seem to wake up. ‘It’s not real’ I kept repeating inside my head. Maybe this is what Alice had meant when she’d warned me, “They make you believe what is in front of you, that its real. They make you forget. Its not what it should be.”
“Emma May.” Doctor Watt’s voice came clearer, more strong. I couldn’t look away from my arms and hands. Too afraid to explore what else may be happening to me. “Look at me sweetie. I think I need to tell you about Alice.”
But it was Alice herself who crept into the room unseen, to stand alongside me. Bow shaped lips quickly pecked my cheek. “I was wondering when I’d see you again.” Impish smile. Soft giggle. “Don’t listen to HER.” She pouted and frowned. “SHE is the one who made us go away!” Tiny foot stomped indignation. Then her small hand reached up, patting my shoulder. “Look who I brought.” Alice held up a stuffed toy rabbit. “See? I told you they know the way.” She laughed with delightful glee.
Watt’s worried voice shattered the soothing peace Alice had brought me. “Whoever it is talking to you right now isn’t real Emma, only mere illusions. I’ve not been able to give you your medication and your mind is playing tricks on you.” She reached out reassuringly to me but Alice stepped in between us.
“Don’t touch her!” She shrieked in a tone that reminded me of nails upon a chalkboard. The air became bitterly cold. Ice rapidly crackled snake-like up the walls, along the floor. The pieces of broken lamp burst into nothing. Doctor Watts instantly backed away, looking from side to side, confused. Her warm breath releasing smokey puffs in the chill.
Alice raised the stuffed toy she held and tossed it at Watts. Upon impact, it exploded. Imagine if you will, a watermelon bursting. Such was Watt’s head. The room had become so frigid, the blood and brain bits froze before they had time to splatter. Gone now, was the hope of any information Watts may have personally known. Though this devastated me, I remained too numb to feel any sort of emotion about the Doctor’s death aside from that. I continued to watch in dumbstruck awe completely paralyzed, as the world I knew began to rearrange itself.
My innocent, sweet friend became some kind of daemon child. Her mouth opened as if to yawn, jawbones snapped and dislocated. A shrill cry erupted from her and thousands of black spiders came scurrying out of the void that had been her mouth. Horrified, I jumped to my feet, spell broken. But the insects swarmed over my toes, tiny bodies rippling as they climbed up and over the rest of me. They didn’t just crawl, they bit with fangs worse than any needle Watts had ever used on me. Their venom scorched through my veins. I felt the remaining human flesh on my body bubble. As it started sizzling, the skin began to break open. Spiders gnawed at the wounds to burrow in deep.
And it was then, that I screamed.
To be continued...
End of Part 3
“The House of Alice” Written by Copyright ©®™ Atusha Avarus
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Photo used with permission from model, Copyright ©®™ Jocelyn Alex Lothian
Artwork created by Copyright ©®™ Seven Up
Jocelyn Alex Lothian (Character "Jocelyn" created by Copyright ©®™ Atusha Avarus)
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